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Me, Myself and CRAZY !!!

~~~ love me tender & lick me to death ~~~ confession of a desperate housewife

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pose, gibbsncis


The messenger

James looks pretty bad, but he’ll survive; he’ll recover and go back on active duty within a week or less. He was beaten rather badly which resulted in several cracked ribs, broken nose and badly bruised face and middle abdomen; he is still young, his MD said that he’ll be fine. He flinches a little when he sees Gibbs; he’s been interrogated by his boss, O’Brien is standing beside him.


“James, tell Special Agent Gibbs all that he needs to know” O’Brien tells him.

“Talk to me James…” Gibbs stands on his other side.

“Gibbs, he said I am just his messenger…he despised you, I can feel it. He said…he’ll rip your heart out and crush it in front of you…to see…” he couldn’t finish his sentence, he has paled, his voice gruff, and he continues, looking at Gibbs in the eyes.

“The bastard said, he’ll…he’ll kill Caitlyn and her child…in front of you, very slowly…in front of you…” and James is trying to control his emotion.

Gibbs is not breathing, standing in front of James, conforming his nightmares.

“He said his name is Haswari and he wanted her…but you took her away from him…” James finally breathes, having said what he needs to said to Gibbs; he is frightened for Kate, she is in grave danger.

Gibbs couldn’t breathe, fears seeps through his bones and veins; his bete noire is about to materialize itself.


Bete Noire

He recalled, last night before Kate woke him up he was having a nightmare. He was walking in a field in disheveled clothes, unshaven; he walked bare footed in stupor.

He can feel the pebbles, stones and whatever piercing his feet as he walked through the field, but they are nothing compares to the ache in his soul.

He kept striding for a long time; it was dusk when he stopped, right in front of a tombstone, in the middle of nowhere on a vast green field.

The tombstone is staring at him, he read:

                              Caitlyn Todd Gibbs, beloved wife and mother

                                        Robert Jethro Gibbs, beloved son

He kneels in front of the tombstone, kissed the cold slab of stone, with tears running down his face, he can hear his own cries of angst, sobbing from his heart, such pain he never feels in his old sorry live.

He felt like someone is stabbing his heart; it’s too painful… he doesn’t want to live, he doesn’t want to breathe, he is a failure, he is damned, he is cursed and…he wished he is dead. “Kate…guys! wait for me…please…don’t leave me here…all alone…please” he whispers to the cold stone as he cocks his gun to his head, tears down his face and shots his head. That’s when Kate woke him up.


He snaps back to the present, he is driving back to NCIS HQ; he was wrong to keep it a secret from her; he has to tell her; he is going tell her the second he sees her.


Kate is such in a bad mood; she is so upset that she cries in Abby’s embrace. For half an hour Abby is agreeing with her, what a jerk her husband is; then Abby hears Kate’s tummy grumble, they stop the bitching and laughs.

They decide to go to a small boutique restaurant, few miles from their HQ. Kate said that Gibbs is paying for their meal and the ladies left in a vengeance.


It is a beautiful Wednesday noon; they have great lunch together, Kate’s mood has improved considerably by the time they are ready to order desert; unfortunately, Abby is called back to the HQ by O’Brien

Kate quickly urges Abby to return to HQ, she’ll take a cab back, because she is not leaving, until her Banana Split is in her tummy; and she is not invalid, she promised she’ll be back within half an hour, “Shelly is here to keep me company anyway, so I am not alone, go…Abby…go!” she kisses Abby’s head.



It was a warm day, Kate is enjoying the peace, she consider about visiting James at the hospital before she goes back to the HQ, the hell with Jethro, she thought.

Shelly the waitress brings her Banana Split, “There you are Kate” she knows her by name, “Thanks Shelly”.

Shelly rubs Kate’s stomach fondly; the old waitress has known her customer before Kate works for NCIS; A pleasant young lady with sweet disposition and manners, unlike her recent boss; who is now her husband, unbelievable!

Shelly remembered how she skeptical she was when she heard about her marriage; the old boss is obnoxious, rude, a hard ass and he was divorced three times, people said. But Shelly changed her mind when she saw how he treated her; he got her vote right away.


“When’s the due date Kate?” she asks her, “Oh God, one more month Shelly…I can’t wait” Kate exhales, its getting way too big, too heavy for her comfort plus her old injuries are creeping back.

Her back and legs ache and her morning sickness that were supposed to be on the first trimester only, no such luck, she still have them occasionally. “Soon, Kate…I know how uncomfortable it is…but when you have your child in your arms, all your ache and pains are worth it…” Shelly said to her. She then left Kate alone to attend to her few customers inside.


Kate is sitting on the front seating of the restaurant, loving her surrounding; it is a rather quiet secluded area, not many pedestrian walks through the area. Kate looks at her Banana split; she takes one scoop to her mouth…yummy.

Kate is still pondering, whether she can afford to see James, without getting caught by her husband, she calculates that he should be out of the hospital already on his way back to HQ or another case, she purposely switched off her mobile, so that he can not check on her.


She feels her child kicks at her a couple of time, he must be anxious to get out too, there’s not much space in there, and she laughs.

Someone is blocking her sun, she is not bothered by it and keeps enjoying her desert., until a hand on her shoulder, follows by a voice that cause a certain chill in her.

“Long time no sees Caitlyn…” and she froze. The dreaded baritone voice that haunted her for many nights; twice that man bested her, he doesn’t violates her in a such a way, but she fears him, especially now.


She turns her head and look at him in the eyes, not to show her fear, but she couldn’t speak, her throats closed up, she can feels her heart beating fast. “Lost for words Caitlyn?” he smiles at her. He is wearing jeans and black leather jacket; looking down at her.

Then, he sits in front of her, across the small table. Kate can’t breathe, she is gripping her purse tightly, calming herself; subsequently Haswari puts up his long feet on the chair next to hers, opting a more comfortable position.

He gazes at her swollen belly for a long minute; she tries to block his view with her purse, with no success, she is extremely uncomfortable with his gaze at her.

“I thought we belong together Caitlyn…” he said to her so softly and gentle, Kate keeps quiet.


“Can I get anything for you Sir?” Shelly asks him, “Oh no Mam, I am just waiting for Caitlyn to finish, then we’ll leave…I am a friend of her husband, thank you” Haswari politely explains to the waitress, and she left them.

Kate access the situation, but when his body shift just slightly, she can see his gun on his hip, she couldn’t take her chances to run away, not when she is heavy with her child, not like this, she loses hope.


Kate jumps in her seat when Haswari stands up; he walks and sits next to her, sitting so close, she can smell him. He whispers to her ears “Do you miss me Caitlyn?...I do”.

“Get away from me” she hisses back. He extends his hand to touch her stomach; she is so uncomfortable she looks away from him, it is very invasive.

She got Goosebumps, she is afraid of him even though his touch is gentle. “Caitlyn, you should be carrying my child…not Gibbs…he is too old for you Caitlyn…” he laughs and kisses her cheek, his hand still on her belly.

Kate moves her face further from him, but fells his other hand on her thigh, griping it tight, as if warning her, daring her to move.


His other hand finally leave her belly and scoop her ice cream to her mouth, she refuses and look away, disgusts by his action.

“Eat or I’ll kill your child…in front of you” he whispers very closely to her ear; she quickly eats what he offered her with tears down her face, she finally finds her voice, “Please don’t”, she begs in distress. Haswari kisses her tears away and grazes his lips to her, “Caitlyn…why the tears?”…“Please…don’t hurt my baby…please” she whispers in fear.

Haswari stands and pulls her up, “Let’s go Caitlyn, if you listen to me, I won’t hurt you or your child…but if you…” he stops talking, “Nah…I don’t want to think about it…you know the rules Caitlyn…” he places his arm around her and guides her to his car.

She is crying, not knowing what to do; the last times he had her, she has the ability and courage to fight back, she nothing to lose; but this time she is vulnerable, she is not willing to risk her child’s life that is still growing in her.




It is 8pm; the whole team is at the Florentine restaurant. Gibbs was on a rampage around the neighborhood of the Florentine, the restaurant itself has been meticulously processed by McGee, Dinozzo and Balboa, while O’Brien and his team search for Kate and interview some witnesses.

He was going insane since he can’t find Kate by noon in the restaurant which Abby said she’d be. When Shelly described to Gibbs about a young tall man who was talking and left with Kate, he feels like dying, his fear controls his mind more than his anger.

It is Ari Haswari, his bete noire. He sits on the chair, stares emptily at her melting ice cream on the table

How could he let this happen to her? To their son? How could he be so useless to the people he loves the most in his life? He roughly rubs his face, Oh God…he whispers to himself…then he is disturbed by Tony bagging the Ice cream on the table, “Sorry Gibbs…I got to…”. “Do what you have to do Tony”, for the first time in 6 years Tony sees Gibbs in tears.


His guys has done all that they can do and more, all he can do now is wait. Tony and McGee drag their boss back to NCIS. They soon tapped all phone connection, including their cells. Abby is vigilance in her Lab, working and crying, McGee wants to stay with her, but after awhile she told him that she wants him to find Kate rather than staying with her.


Every phone call makes them jump. By midnight the dreaded contact arrives. It arrives in a form of email, Gibbs couldn’t care less what is it, he doesn’t give a damn; he just asks McGee to show him what’s in it on their plasma. Within minutes, McGee has downloaded everything to his PC and projects it to the plasma.


It’s a recording, excellent quality and pixel.

It shows Kate restrained on a chair, her head is down, they can’t really see her face; but they can see that her wrists and feet are cuffed to the chair. She stays uncomfortably on the chair for almost half an hour, sobbing quietly; Gibbs is grinding his teeth to powder as he watched her, he wants to fast forward the message, but he is worried he’ll miss something. He sees Kate rocking herself to calm her nerve; he sees her whispering to herself.

Abby makes a mad dash to the bullpen, her mascara is running down her face, she heard about the message, she gasps and closed her sobbing mouth when she sees Kate.

“Oh God…Gibbs I am so sorry…oh my God…I am so sorry Gibbs…” She is hysteric, Gibbs is shocked and he hugs her tight, they both cry in the middle of the bullpen. Tony wipes his eyes hard, McGee lets his tears down his face, and they are swallowed by their fear of losing her.

Ducky arrives in the bullpen, he looks at the plasma and swears to God that before he dies, he’ll weigh Haswari’s liver. O’Brien also just arrived with his guys, sharing their information.


Their interaction is disturbed by a sudden chance at the plasma. They see the bastard standing behind her, he grabs her hair to lift her face to the camera, and his purpose is for Gibbs to see her face.

“Show Gibbs your pretty face, Caitlyn…” he laughs.

‘Fucking son of a bitch…” Gibbs kicks his chair.

“Tell me Caitlyn…do you miss me sweetheart?” he asks her

“Go to hell, you terrorist!!!” he hisses at him, she is mad as hell

“Wrong answer sweetheart” He speaks gently to her. Gibbs sees him raises his hand and inevitably slaps her hard, twice on her cheek, Kate yelps just once and she stays really quiet. Gibbs shouts, Abby closes her sob with her hand.

“I am going to ask again, Caitlyn…do you miss me Caitlyn?” he asks Kate.

“No, you sick son of a bitch…” she feels no pain.

He slaps her harder, twice. This time she squeals in pain, blood dripping from her nose, her mouth is cut, her head hurt.


“Oh God, Katie…no, please, don’t baby…don’t tempt him…please…” Gibbs whispers to Kate on the plasma.

“Yes, I miss you Ari…” She answers him in tears. “Good girl” Gibbs whispers at her.

“McGee…” he is about to asks McGee for the result, “I did Boss, from the beginning, no result” McGee cuts him, he sees him typing furiously on his computer. Abby makes a mad jump on Gibbs PC and starts helping McGee, ignoring the blasted plasma.


O’Brien is standing behind McGee, trying really hard to concentrate on McGee’s work instead of the plasma. But every single person in the bullpen froze and looks at the plasma when they hear the dreaded sound, of gun cocking.

Haswari cocks his gun and kneel in front of Kate.

“Caitlyn…” He wipes her blood and tears while Gibbs is griping his gun, his knuckles white from the pressure.

“…kiss me…” he orders her, he hold her chin to him.

“You can go to hell…you bastard” Kate spats to his face, she looks furious.

But all her courage and anger disappears the second she feels a cold metal bar nudge the front of her stomach. She looks down and sees he points the nozzle to her. This time, she really screams and cries loudly, “You bastard…” and she keeps screaming.


Gibbs can see she is hysteric; she tries to pull her hand from the cuff, tugs it feverishly, wanting to break free.

Haswari just looks at her, no emotion on his face; after several minutes Kate’s strength diminish, Gibbs can hear her calls for his name in between her cries, he hears her said his name,”Jethro…” over and over, Gibbs covers his mouth to contain his sob, eyes glued to the plasma.

The man sees his wife makes several jerks for her last attempt, pulling her hand from the cuff, it got to hurt like hell, “Katie…don’t” He whispers to her at the plasma.

Haswari pulls her chin towards him and kisses her hard, with tears running down her face, she sobs into him. “Let me go please!” she begs piteously, when he releases her lips from him. “Soon, Caitlyn…Gibbs will come and get you…I promised” He said to her gently, stoking her mussed hair.

He stands up and slowly walks to the camera; Kate guesses that he is about to cut off their mean of contact, she panics, because it means her husband can’t see her anymore; for some reason, knowing that he is watching  her, gives her some comfort which she can not explained.

She desperately call my name again, this time louder, “Jethro!” as Haswari’s body comes nearer to the camera, blocking my view on her. She sounds afraid, “please…” is the last thing I hear before Haswari looks into me and smiled, and the contact is cut off.


Gibbs turns around and kicks the partition, trying to numb his pain and fear in his heart, by hurting himself physically. Nobody stops him; all of them are engrossed in their nightmares until Abby and Ducky grab his shoulder and hold him.



The Cursed

Gibbs starts to believe that he is cursed for eternity. He is cursed, so that he never find content and happiness; his three divorces, his past, his pain and humiliation.

For the last few years, he thought he’d been blessed with a wife that loves him as he is, who is now carrying his only child, he might ever have; and he is at the brink of losing all of them.

Why Kate? Why not him in Haswari’s hand? Kate is special to him, she is not afraid of his gruff exterior; she digs her way in to find his broken soul. In his heart he knows that she is too good for him and she’ll get hurt because of him, because he is cursed and she’ll pay the price.




All of his agents and friends broke their spirit when they watched Kate; but later on Gibbs realizes that they are back, working to find her, only Ducky stays near him.

O’Brien and his men exited the bullpen, McGee is with Abby working in the lab, while Tony was called by O’Brien and left few minutes ago. And I am sitting on my sorry ass. This can’t be happening.


The elevator opens Fornell steps in with Tony. Gibbs stands up the second he sees him, he pushes Fornell against the elevator doors, “It’s your fault, it’s your incompetence that make this happens!” he shouts at his face.

Tony ignores them and stands behind his boss. “Wait here Tony…in case I need a body bag” and Gibbs shoves Fornell into the elevator. “Gibbs…listens to me…” Fornell tries

“NO! YOU LISTEN TO ME FORNELL, YOU LISTEN HARD…TO ME…” Gibbs shouts and pushes him to the back of the elevator.


McGee is sitting in his seat and he can hear his boss’ shouts from his seat, and he is actually happy to hear his shout, his fire is back! Tony waits for almost 15 minutes in front of the elevator, and then it finally opens.

Gibbs storms out of the elevator, followed by Fornell.

“GIBBS!” Fornells calls him; Gibbs stops in his track, not looking back at him.

“If you want to shot…shot him…at the back…not the front!...and I am sorry…so sorry” and Fornell steps back in the elevator and left.



2nd contact

None of them go home; it is almost midday when they receive the second message.

It only shows Kate in an empty poorly light room; they don’t know whether she is asleep or just resting. Her hands are still cuffed; she tucks her feet under her and sleeps in a fetal position, on her side. She is awake; Gibbs can see her body moves from her sobs, calling for him, calling his name in desperation.

He hasn’t sleep, hasn’t shower or eat almost for 30 hours.

Suddenly he shouts, “McGee! turn it off” He shouts

“What? Boss?” he looks at him for conformation…“Turn it off!” He shouts again and McGee did.


Haswari is not stupid; he is buying time by distracting him. Son of a bitch is just playing a game and Kate is the pawn. He can not give up now, not when his wife and child are at risk. It’s not too late…it’s not too late until he sees their graves…he clenches his teeth and storms out from the bullpen.

He has to do something, he has to win, he will not allow Haswari to break his spirit; or he’ll be damned with his cursed life. He has to focus; “James” he remembers his wife partner. Gibbs drives to the hospital for James.

As he makes a mad dash to his room, ignoring warning from the nurses, he sees O’Brien was already there with James, forcing him to remember every single detail of his surrounding when he was caught.

One hour later James snaps, ”the dock”, it has to be the dock; I can almost smells the water, but it was quiet, too quiet for a dock. “I can help, let me go with you” As he stumbles down the bed, the two men help him on his feet, dress him and leave the hospital.

O’Brien tells the angry nurses that he owns the boy’s life; and if he dies, he’ll be paying for his funeral, Special Agent James thinks Gibbs is rubbing in on his boss.