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Me, Myself and CRAZY !!!

~~~ love me tender & lick me to death ~~~ confession of a desperate housewife

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Title                              : Damn Witch

Pairing                          : KIBBS, two shot outtake of "Drool"

Rating                           : PG 13/ K+

Disclaimer                     : NCIS...definitely not mine

Fiction                           : Humor, established relationship


Chapter 1 Sweets for the sweet


My son is a year old; he has about 6 teeth now...he looks like my wife, but he has my eyes, character and temperament; he is my pride and joy and his name is Robert. He screams and throws his toys away when he is pissed, but his mother is not having any of that nonsense. She would punish him and make him take back his toys. My son would look at me sadly, hoping for a backup. So sorry son, but I can’t help you, because your mommy is already glaring at me.

I never shout at him in anger, he never pisses me off; when he is naughty, I just think that's what a boy is supposed to be; even Ducky said so.

I am now the director of NCIS, I've been very busy because I took some courses to help me in my new position; hence I hardly spend time with my boy. But I know him all right...I know that he is a smart intelligent and devious one year old, he knows what he wants and he'll find a way to get it. Kate often brings Robert to the NCIS HQ.

Like today...

Kate was called to help my Senior Agent Dinozzo and his team profile a big case; so she left him in Special Agent Xavier's care, her old team mate, the young agent often took care of Robert when we are swamped, so he is used to his antics.


Robert has been banned from eating ice cream, candy or anything cold, sweet and yummy because of his recent cough and cold; my wife was mad because the boy got sweets and chocolate every time she took him to the HQ...without her knowledge of course, then she would find candy wrappers all over our house. So the boy has been banned for...dear God!!! Almost a month...until today.

This morning I couldn’t believe my eyes when Robert bullied a 30year old man to get what he wants, because his mother is away.

As I enter the pantry, I stop in my tracks...

I find my son and Special Agent Xavier in the pantry; they are having the time of their life at nine in the morning, eating "stuff" from the vending machine; I see Robert's favorites on the middle table: Gummy Bears, M&M's and of course...a tub of ice cream. My baby looks at me, his face is blotched with ice cream, he grins his six teeth at me..."dadiiii", he greets me oh so sweetly; he knows that I am not going to scold him.

"Robert, your mom is going to spank your bum..." I say to him as I look at the crime’s evidence all over his face, table and his clothes…To my disbelief, he looks at James as if blaming him for getting his food and getting him in trouble and all the mess.

Special Agent Xavier is shocked; he almost chokes on his ice cream
NO...NO...NO...NO...NO...BOSS...he made me!!!” James is terrified, how could a one year old tell on him? "He hardly speaks, James...he is a year old" I exclaim at the worried young man. "He makes me go to the vending machine and he points...I SWEAR" James defends himself.

"You could refuse him, you know...he is only ONE" I stress his age.
"YES, but he screams...loudly...he has a temper boss...I swear..." James replies, "He is one...and you are a thirty year old federal agent" I can’t believe it.

All this time...the supposedly innocent victim is looking back and forth between me, his father and his horrified sitter...while sucking on his gummy bear...his gums must be damn itchy.

"I swear boss...Bobby makes me go there and points at what he wants...see..." Special Agent Xavier is sweating bullets now..."Kate specifically told me that he is NOT to eat any candy and sweets, but I felts sorry and I got the Gummy Bears for him...I figured Gummy Bears aren’t that bad" he defends his action.

"Then Robert points at the M&M's at the vending machine...I tried to trick him...I got the biscuits instead...but HE REFUSED!...see boss...see, he threw it away...I put it back in his hand...and he threw it to the floor AGAIN!!!...he even tried to squash it with his feet too!!!" and James whips out a packet of badly smashed biscuits.

"When I tried to take him away from the vending machine he shouted really loudly..."NO!!!"...everybody in the lobby was looking at me..." James is really embarrassed. "So...I got him the M&M's...I had no choice, Jack the security guard was already stalking towards me, he must have thought I did something to Bobby..." his voice is getting softer by the second, not looking into my eyes anymore...

"And...?" I am now curious. James looks at the top of the boy sitting comfortably on his lap “and…and…he said ‘eat…’ “I almost laugh at the top of my lungs, but I control myself.”I was confused, he only has few small teeth, and I never thought he could eat M&M's...it has peanuts in it"

"Yes, he can, James" I said to the 30 year old agent. "YES, I KNOW..." James is excited now "he waits till the M&M's melt in his mouth boss...see..." James shows him off, he lifts part of his lip to show me...Robert has one M&M's on each side of his cheek, resting and melting away, ready to be eaten, and a red Gummy Bear at the front teeth and gum, holding it with his fingers and taking his time pulling and chewing it slowly...his drool is dripping everywhere. His mother is not there to take his sweets away from him.

I pull out a chair and sit in front of my son, the perpetrator. "dadiiiiii..." he calls me again as he chews on the Gummy Bear.”Son, if your mother finds out, I won't be able to help you, you know..." I look at his happy sticky face, but Robert keeps eating his sweets, unaware of his impending fate, his soft blue eyes look at mine and he says “Yummy”

Yes, I know Robert, yummy..." I exhale. Then I realize something as I look at the table. "And the ice cream? There is NO ice cream in the vending machine, James" I point out. "Boss, I SWEAR, he knows where Abby hides her ice cream boss...and her ice cream is gooooood..." James is eating Abby's Chocolate Godiva; he knows that Abby won't be mad because he could tell her that Robert wanted it...and everybody in the building knows that Abby only lets Robert Gibbs eat her Govida...not even his father gets a taste of the yummy ice cream.

I look at the ice cream, I grab James' spoon and eat the ice cream. It’s damned good!!! No wonder his boy loves it! Robert looks at me enjoying the ice cream; he grins, pulls his half chewed battered gummy bear and opens his mouth at me...so I spoon some of the chocolate ice cream into his mouth; he gives me his honeyed smile, tucks his Gummy Bear back into his mouth and relaxes in James' lap.

Oh dear God, I just noticed his clothes. He is wearing white overalls, it is a gift from Ducky and Kate wants Ducky to see that Robert is wearing the clothes that the sweet old ME got for him...and it's not white anymore! It is now blotched with the chocolate from the Ice cream, red from the Gummy Bears and green, yellow and blue from the M&M's; he is going to be scolded, so I might as well let him eat.

James’s mobile rings, he tells his boss that he is in the pantry with Gibbs’s boy, hears him say a couple of yeses; I listen to the conversation longingly...I kind of miss field work, snapping at my guys, barking orders, nailing some bastard, interrogation, hitting on my gorgeous female agent - oh, and she is now my wife, by the way

A few minutes later I am about to grab Robert from his sitter and spend some quality time with him in my office - just me and the little man - when  O'Brien comes into the pantry with a cheer to my son; the moment Robert notices the big man, his eyes twinkle in mischief. 

O'Brien picks Robert up from his incompetent sitter, he looks so small in the giant's arms; O'Brien throws the key to the agent, "James, gas the truck and wait for me there...get Roland too" and the agent dashes out of the pantry.

"O BIIII" the boy greets the giant teddy bear right away, drooling on his arms.
"Bobby..." O'Brien kisses his wet sticky cheeks, he spends more than five minutes with him, rubbing Robert's bulging tummy, telling him that he shouldn't eat too much candy because they could ruin his tiny beautiful teeth. O'Brien also tells Robert that he has a grandchild about his age and he will introduce his grandson to Robert when he is in town.

O'Brien pulls out something from his pocket, Robert’s eyes enlarges, looking the silvery wrapper that he is very familiar with. Without being asked, he pulls out his half chewed red Gummy Bear from his mouth and sticks it in O'Brien's mouth. I flinch a little when I witness the act...oh Robert...Robert...Robert...no no no...

But the big man accepts the gooey gummy happily, no look of disgust on his face, he says it brings him luck; Kate would scream and faint on the spot, fortunately his mother is not there to witness the act.

"YUMMY OBII..." Robert wants to say to the man that the gummy bear is yummy, and he is sharing it with him. "Kiss OBI" the man points to his own cheek...and Robert quickly kisses his giant teddy bear with his sticky mouth.

In return, O'Brien slips in a not-so-tiny white chocolate to my boy's gaping mouth; O'Brien says to me “It’s OK, Gibbs, its milk…it’s good...Kate won't be mad...” yeah right since when is white chocolate considered milk? I laugh at the two of them and he lowers Robert to my lap and leaves the pantry...

Finally, just the two of us. I get to spend some time with my baby. I kiss his head, he smells so good despite the mess: his mouth is filled with the large piece of chocolate which he struggles to eat, then he pulls out the wet chocolate piece and waves it in front of my face...and I...and I...take a bite..."yummy..." he explains to me that it tastes gooood...and sticks it back in his mouth...

Damn...it IS good...especially with coffee...I imagine. Perhaps, I can take my son to...
Suddenly the pantry's door opens again...

"Robert...my dear" yes...it's Ducky!!! The NCIS ME.

"I've been looking all over for you, my boy...look at you...don't you look grand and cute in your white overall? Ohh...it's not white anymore. Never mind…let’s go, Robert...Ducky will take you around...your mommy and daddy are busy..." Ducky picks him up from me to go around the HQ, leaving me alone with the mess on the table in the pantry.

I've failed spending time with my son. I go back to my office, documents to be read and sign are piled up, waiting for my consideration; it took me almost two hours to finish the first batch. After conforming a few meetings and making phone calls, I stretch on my chair and my mind goes back to Robert...

The boy can't speak in full sentences yet, but he has got quite a vocabulary, such as mommy, daddy, dukiii, O-bii, A bii, toni, no, yes, open, eat and yummy.

Recently, he acquired a few more, one from me and another one from my beloved wife.
I recalled as one morning; my boy was having his breakfast in his high chair, I was struggling with the blasted laptop...I was pissed off, I wanted to throw the damn thing against the wall, but decided not to, instead, I slammed it close and cursed, “DAMN”, I hate technology and all the things that are supposed to make our lives easier! And then…

“Damn” comes out of his tiny innocent mouth, his first swear word and he was not even a year old!” Jethro, you cursed in front of him" Kate entered the kitchen just as Robert said "damn"...I muttered under my breath, "damn" for getting caught red handed and the little boy said another "DAMN..." this time louder. Kate would still be nagging about the incident if not for another word Robert managed to acquire from her...bless his tiny heart, he saved me.

About a months ago, for some reason, my ex wife number three was bothering me. She called many times at work, on my home line and my mobile, asking about me, my son and my job. Kate got annoyed and jealous! Even though I told her repeatedly that there is nothing for her to be jealous about, as ex number three is getting married! I've been avoiding the daft woman like the plague, I am disturbed by her incessant calling and I hate to see Kate upset for no good reason.

But it got worse. The incident happens about two weeks after the "damn" incident.
That evening we were having dinner when ex number three called our home; Kate picked up the phone but it was hung up several times until the fourth time. "Jethro...yours!” she gave the phone to me, pissed! And she took Bobby from my lap, muttering under her breath, "witch!!!"

After a few minutes of stupid nonsense from ex number three, I returned to my cute son, trying to snatch his food from his jealous angry mother at the dinner table. Kate was not talking to me...Bobby looked at me and grinned...he opened his mouth and he said "witch..." Kate froze, I laughed at the top of my lungs...I was so proud of him. Since then Kate never mentions the "damn" incident anymore. Thank you, Robert.

Unfortunately…after the "damn" incident, whenever Robert is angry, he would say "damn" and throw his toy away...yes, it is my fault, I admit, he acts just like me.

A few nights ago: Kate answered the door expecting Abby; the Goth called an hour ago, told Kate that she is coming over to our house. I was in my basement with the boy and my boat. She returned to us pissed and said “your ex number three is at the door looking for Jethro" as she picked Bobby up from the floor and walked up to our room. On the way to the room she muttered under her breath "witch" with Robert in her arms; he must have noticed that his beloved mommy doesn't like the tall red head lady who was talking to his naughty dad and her name is witch.


This morning I took my grandson for his waddles around the HQ, after a while he raises one of his feet to my leg and both his arms to me, he wants me to carry him. In my arms the boy giggles and talks in his own language; pinching my cheeks and drooling all over me and my shirt as we go around the HQ.

I love bringing him with me wherever I go: the boy never interrupts me, unlike his dad! He loves spending time with me, going up and down the elevator, climbing stairs, going in and out the security panel by the entrance, following me around with the security personnel, if we let him, he would have climbed into the X ray machine.

Every single person in the HQ knows Robert Jethro Gibbs - most of them call him Bobby; they love the happy boy, you have to understand...Federal agents take their lives in their hands; some of them don’t make it home. The thought of death and danger can be forgotten, just for a few moments when they see Robert and his antics.

I am back from my thoughts as the object of my affection is trying to get my attention. “Robert, what do you want?" and I look at his chubby pointing finger...towards the soda machine. “Oh Robert...NO...your mother is going to be mad...no Robert..." as I pull his hand down from pointing at the soda machine, shaking my head at him.

But the tot keeps pointing at the thing he wants, looking at me sadly with his big puppy eyes and he calls my name "dukiii" softly, over and over again, begging me until I slip the coins in and buy him his Mellow Yellow, a sweetened soda drink. I put the can of cold soda in his hands and stride back quickly to the pantry. “OK, Robert, I guess this is our secret" I feel bad because his mother specifically told me NOT to let the boy eat anything from the vending machine but he is not eating he is drinking. I ridiculously try to defend my action.

Anyway, we go to the pantry and I feed Robert his drink. While the boy sits in my lap, I kiss the top of his head, he smells like a baby despite the mess on his face and overall. I look at the boy fondly and he looks up to me and grins, and calls me again "du...kii", he wants me to know that he loves me...

See, I have been an ME for NCIS for many years. Dead bodies roll in and out in front of my eyes, day after day. I dealt with unsightly things and smells, so, to have a bundle of joy, perched on my lap enjoying our time together…I love him to pieces.

Special Agent Dinozzo is back at the HQ, he quickly checks in his pocket...checking for something...then he smiles excitedly and dashes off...to the pantry.

Kate’s POV

I have just arrived with Tony and McGee; it was a short trip, now I have to type my preliminary reports. I miss my work terribly...not that I don't love taking care of my husband and kid...oh no...I wouldn't change a thing...but I jump at the change of field work...it was kind of embarrassing...

Well, last night Jethro came home early, we had dinner together, then he told me about Tony needing my help and before he finished his sentence, I jumped from my chair and kind of attacked my husband...and I said "I'll do it, I'll do it..." grabbing him from behind, the man almost choked on his food...and he laughed at me. Robert was shocked to see me behave that way...the boy just gawked at me for quite some time.

Last night, I was so excited I couldn't sleep and Jethro said that if I didn't sleep, I might oversleep and miss the field work. This morning I woke up real early and got my boys ready to go. I was practically fidgeting by the door...

Now, I am sitting in my old bullpen...I am using Tony's desk...and where on earth is everybody? Where are McGee and Tony??? As I look at the empty bullpen...

Bribe (Ducky’s POV)

There is one thing that Robert learnt at a very young age, and that is that Tony buys his love...and Robert knows exactly how to work his funny friend.

"BOBBYYYY!!! See what Tony has for you?" Tony dashes through the pantry and greets the tot excitedly. Robert is seated in my lap, drinking his Mellow Yellow refusing to even glance at Tony; he is still slowly but surely sucking his sweet Mellow Yellow from the straw; I noticed...the boy is particularly cruel to Tony, perhaps he can feel that Tony loves to annoy his mommy.

I look at Tony pitifully UNTIL, the man pulls out something from his pocket, a Tim tam wafer, waving it in front of the child  "Say TONI...TO...NY...TOOO NIIII, can you say TO NI?" as the goofy senior agent unwraps the chocolate wafer desperate for his attention.

Immediately, Robert straightens himself, lets go of his drink, grabs the Tim tam, shoves it in his mouth and sucks on it excitedly. The little man has been deprived on his favorite food by his cruel mom for a month....Then he smiles and said, "TO...NI"; Tony is so happy to hear him say his name, he thinks Robert hates him. “Good boy Bobby...Bobby good boy" Tony praises him, as he picks him up from my lap and throws him up the air...once...twice...three times...

"Tony...you shouldn't do that, he just drank!’’ I warn him. "Oh...sorry...I didn't know..." while kissing the willing giggling boy in his arms...the boy smells good, all powdery and baby-ish...


Thanks to my BETA (MV)…

For my reviewers…Dani, Dolphinesiren, Kibbslover, manue82, Hockeyrocks, mcabello,louise1717, I heart TV lovin hottie, alli Cameron, snake666, shanahan, maelace, orangeangel, Bart simpson rox…and many more…THANKS for taking the time…

Chapter 2 Robert's art

Kate POV

I am typing at Tony's desk, busy comparing notes and analyzing evidence. I just called my husband few minutes ago, asking whether Robert has eaten his lunch yet and he said the boy has eaten. I decided to continue my work, I am sure that my baby is taken care of; he never lacks admirers in the HQ...

Then, without realizing, I get absorbed in my work. It’s almost four...oh my God, Robert, my poor baby, he must be hungry; and I quickly look for him, I haven't heard his giggles or voice since I have been back at the HQ.

Gibbs POV

After I received a call from my wife checking on the boy I quickly snuck down to the bullpen. As I quietly climb down the stairs, I see her working on her case. Thank God, she was so focused on her work, she didn't see me and I quickly head towards the pantry for Robert.

The pantry is packed...

I see my son amongst his various sitters...oh dear GOD!!!...

Let me recap: Robert is now sitting on McGee’s lap, leaning nicely on the agent's chest, drinking cold strawberry milk from McGee; Ducky is holding a can of Mellow Yellow, Tony is holding half eaten chocolate wafers, still trying to bait Robert with it... and then there was this morning’s Gummy Bears, M&M’s and ice cream from James and the white chocolate from O’Brien.

"Oh my God...Bobby, please..." I shake my head at him and his sitters, "Guys...stop feeding him...all...that!!!" I warn them; "If Kate finds out..." and they slowly leave the pantry...leaving Robert and the mess with me.

"da...diiii" the naughty cherub calls for me, he is sitting on my lap now, his sitters have abandoned him and I don't have the heart to take away his strawberry milk...the boy is gripping it with both hands! Now, his white overall has pink and dark chocolate smeared on it...I sigh, looking at him as he looks up at me; I smile, finally...I can spend...

"BOBBYYYY..." Abby enters the pantry, all happy to see her favorite boy. She was busy all morning in her lab. Abby walks to the fridge and takes out her ice cream...just for Robert, she says to him.

"Hey...it's almost empty!!! This is for Bobby" she whines and she looks pissed, she mutters under her breath...McGee...poor McGee, I thought. Anyway, she sits on the chair and places Robert on her lap. “Can you say Abby?" she asks the boy.

Hell...of course he can say Abby...Abby is holding a tub of ice cream. Robert stops drinking his Strawberry milk, calls her name sweetly "a...biiii" The Goth is totally smitten and she feeds him the Godiva’s ice cream.

"Can I have some Abby?" I try my luck. "OHHH...Gibbs, there's only a little left... it’s for Bobby...sorry" my employee refuses to let me try her ice cream. ”Damn” I whisper under my breath...and "DAMN" Robert said “damn” with his mouth full of ice cream. Abby froze. “Bobby…your first swear word…oh my God, don't let your mommy hear, she'll spank your tootsies...”

Then I tell her about the "damn" and "witch" incidents. Abby is laughing hysterically, she doesn't realize when Robert takes over the spoon and feeds himself...perhaps Abby’s feeding portion is too little for his big appetite. Suddenly, he looks at me, grins and he raises his spoon to me, feeding me the Ice cream. Damn! It's delicious! My boy feeds me over and over again...sure he often misses, he is only a year old.

I love you son, I said in my heart. I see him struggle with the hard ice cream; I help him scoop and his mouth is gaping open from the anticipation, and I happily feed my baby. "AHHH...Jethro! Abby!...oh my God...Robert Jethro Gibbs!!!" Kate enters the pantry as I spoon feed my son...she screams when she recognizes her son in his colorful-not-so white overall...

"Jethro...how could you...after what I told you...OHHH BOBBY, naughty boy..." and my wife goes on. Abby slips out of the pantry unnoticed as Kate is fussing over Bobby's messy condition. “Traitor” I whisper to myself...

Abby arrives in the bullpen...

"ANYBODY who's given Bobby ANYTHING he is not supposed to have...GO!" Abby warns them. "Kate got Gibbs...you guys GO!" Tony, McGee, Ducky and James scattered. It was almost time to go anyway. They grab their stuff...and "DING..." the elevator's doors opened...They froze.

OH NO...it is not Gibbs or Kate...no no no...NOPE! It is Director Gibbs’s ex wife number three...adorned in a sexy lingerie looking white slip...with spaghetti straps and stilettos heels.

Tony whistles. Ducky smacks him HARD! McGee's mouth gapes open...Abby smacks him on the head, HARD! James cocks his head, looking at the lady in white...TWACK...TWACK...Ducky and Abby smack him, HARD!

"Where is Jethro guys?" Ex # three asks the guys...nobody answers her question; the three testosterone charged men are still nursing their heads.

"Where is Jethro, Ducky?" she asks the ME with her too sweet voice, Abby flinched.
"It's Dr. Mallard...and Gibbs is downstairs...busy! With his WIFE and SON..." Ducky pronounces very clearly...in case the airhead who he regretfully introduced to Jethro, didn't hear him.

"I need to talk to Jethro..." she flicks her red hair, ignoring Ducky's sarcasm
"About what?" Ducky is losing his patience.  “See, I am getting married soon and I need his help…” and "DING" the sound catches everybody’s attention. All eyes are looking at the elevator

Gibbs POV

I am talking to my wife sweetly, I've calmed her down in the pantry. I am holding Robert in one arm, hold her hand with my other hand; I plan to take them out for dinner and we are going to the bullpen to invite the guys...my treat.

Kate is whispering to my ears only...about her detailed plan to please me in bed tonight. I feel her lips on my cheek, lips and jaws...I pull her closer to me, kissing her neck, she is giggling in my arm...all sweet and soft, I can not wait for her to work her magic on me, but as we exit the elevator Kate suddenly freezes.

"Ahh...Jethro, there you are...I was looking all over for you..." my ex wife # three greets me; what the hell is she doing here? As I see my guys looking nervously at me. Then I feel Kate about to pull away from me; I grab her, not letting her leave my side, I have had enough of this shit. Kate pleads with me, "Jethro, let me take Bobby and change him...". "No Katie...later!" I say gruffly...I am pissed! My wife must have known that I am angry, she says nothing and stays beside me, exactly where she is supposed to be.

I know that Kate is self-conscious about her looks; she said to me once before we were married that my ex number three is stunning, I feel her shrink slightly behind me. I remembered how self-conscious she is about her body after she has given birth to my son, said that she is not as lean or as small as before, even though I told her that in my eyes, she is perfect!

But she said everything changed: her clothes changed, she doesn't wear skirts as often because she has an active one year old in the house, crawling around the perimeter; she has housework, errands and grocery to do, not to forget, helping me with the classes I took. She said her nails are not manicured anymore. I look at ex number three, fully manicured and I feel my Katie self-consciously hiding her hands further behind me.

"Oh, what a cute boy you have Jethro...he looks like you" ex number three states sweetly. "No...he looks like my wife..." I said stiffly, what the hell did I see in her?

"Oh really? I think he looks just like you" she pinch the boy's chubby cheeks; Kate doesn't want her to touch Robert, she tugs my hand slightly, whispers my name...she looks worried! But I look at her and she understands that it is OK.

Poor Bobby (Kate/Gibbs POV)

My wife is not an overbearing protective mother, she is uncomfortable with my ex number 3 being near Robert because of a specific incident. It happened months ago, Robert was still a six month old; we were still working as agents in NCIS...still struggling, finding time to raise a family.

Ex number three showed up unexpectedly at our door; it was around seven in the evening, and Jethro was not home yet. Ex number three wanted to hold my Robert as she noticed him in his pen and I couldn't say no, I had no reason to say no and it would have been rude. So against my better judgment, I placed Robert in her arms. A few minutes later our phone rang; and I ran back to the kitchen to pick it up...It was my husband.

Kate told me that my ex wife was there; I smirked  and asked Kate what the hell was she doing in our home...and she said the woman was waiting for me and Robert was with her, she wanted to hold Robert. I froze, I know my ex number three, the woman hates children, why on earth was she holding my baby?...Kate must have noticed that my voice changed...and I told her that I am coming home.

Jethro said he’ll come straight home. I was worried, I quickly dashed back to his ex; my baby was crying by the time I found them. I quickly apologized for his behavior and took him away, away from her! Then she said she was leaving. I couldn't care less; I was focused on the infant crying frantically in my arms.

Half an hour later my husband arrived, found his son in tears; he dropped his stuff by the door and picked the boy up, trying to calm him down. But Bobby was still crying even after his daddy rocked him.

So, Kate took him away from me, she said she'll put him to bed, maybe he was sleepy. When Kate was changing him, I heard her gasp loudly and I entered the nursery, "What's wrong Kate?" I asked, but she couldn't answer me, she was mad.

As Kate stripped Bobby, she noticed his upper arm is blueish green, poor baby.
Her voice was strained, controlling her anger and sadness, "he's been pinched by your crazy ex wife, Jethro!!!" as she quickly rubbed some ointment on his bruised milky arm, he wailed even more from the painful pressure.

"I am so sorry, Bobby...mommy didn't know...I am sorry, baby” Kate almost cried as she continued rubbing the ointment on his arm. She was furious. I was so angry nothing came out of my throat, the guilt was eating me alive, my ex wife, my problem, and my fault...it is my fault that Robert was hurt…"I'll call Ducky" is all I managed to say.

"Jethro... it’s nothing...don't call Ducky...he is fine, I am just mad" she said to me…never once did she blame me. I couldn't talk. It’s no big deal...it's just a pinch...but why?" she wanted to scream along with her boy. I stood near them as Kate cleaned and dressed him then I picked him up, placed him against my chest and I walked down to the basement.

After a while Robert stopped crying...because he was sleepy and tired from the crying, not to mention his coffee flavored daddy rocked him to sleep, whispering all kind of things to soothe him...basically Gibbs apologized to his son.

Late that night my husband thought that I was asleep...and I heard, "I am sorry Kate..." as he snuggled right next to me, I didn’t say anything, I pretend that I was asleep…the guilt was eating him alive. The next day, he told Ducky about the incident; the ME was beyond mad, he was furious, he shouted in displeasure and fussed over the bruise which was actually nothing, but the six months old seemed to know that Ducky was fussing over his sorry bruise and he cried pitifully in Ducky's arm, as the ME cursed ex wife number three.

The angry ME said the woman is evil and crazy; a baby’s skin is very soft and sensitive...she is cruel, said Ducky.


That's why I can understand why my wife is anxious to get Bobby out of the witch's face...but this time, I have him in my arms, as if daring my ex to try and hurt him again; I'll break her neck if she hurts him.

The guys know about the incident, they call her witch number 3; Abby is eying her hatefully...mumbling to herself...perhaps the Goth is cursing the woman, putting a spell on the lady that hurt Robert.

My Robert doesn't like the lady who is touching him; he is usually friendly...too friendly actually...I was worried that he'll go along with anybody. He even loves the security personnel, the janitors, clerks...the boy doesn't mind being passed around the whole damn NCIS.

He places his head on my shoulder, facing me...with both arms circling my neck, pouting! His mother is on his side, stroking his head.

My ex wife keeps talking to me but I am not paying a slightest bit of attention to her...I am looking at her hands, stroking the boy’s cheeks and hands. I can feel Robert holding onto my neck tighter...he is very quiet and I look at his face...not so happy! He frowns...just like me, and scowls for quite some time.

"OH...what happen to his clothes, Jethro??? It's filthy..." my ex exclaims and looks specifically at Kate. She doesn't answer the woman, but I know Kate, she must be so embarrassed because she realizes that it is filthy.

"He enjoys his food...like me" I replies gruffly; I can see Ducky and Abby are about to pound the ex number three. My crazy ex 3 is rubbing Robert's bulging tummy, noticing his colorful dirty art, which shows his activity for the whole day.

OUT OF THE BLUE...Robert shouts!!!

 “NO!!!” he shouts very loudly for his small size, he raises his head from my shoulder, looks and scowls at her. "DAMN...NO!!!!" he kicks wildly in my arms towards the lady who is bothering him and "WITCH..." he screams and starts to cry…”DAMN…”

Ex number 3 is shocked with his outburst…Special Agent Dinozzo is impressed. He can see his boss very clearly in Robert, his eyes and face show its fury. A quiet moment, followed by a sudden outburst. "WOW...genetics is real, Ducky” Tony said to the very pleased ME…"Of course..." the ME replies proudly, looking very happy with the boy's outburst towards the "witch"

Robert is crying in my arms, struggling to kick my crazy ex...Kate quickly tries to take him away from my arms...but...she is too late!

With a wretched sound...my boy pukes all over my ex! All the colors of the food his sitters had been feeding him throughout the day come out of his tummy onto my ex’s very white dress.

Abby is giggling hysterically; James and Tony are laughing so hard, tears run from their eyes; Ducky smiles from his heart. While McGee just gapes at the scene in shock; Kate covers her mouth with her hand in horror, pity and slight satisfaction.

I am worried for Robert, but I look at the boy and he looks fine; he actually looks much better after he puked his various foods on the "DAMN WITCH"...and I look at my son's artwork...on the white canvas...I mean white dress.

The stench and the mess are horrible; all colors of the rainbow plus mud and "DAMN WITCH/ex number three" storms out of the bullpen, fuming mad, screaming...

I laugh at the unfortunate incident and let my wife picks the boy up; she takes him to the head to be bathed and changed. I am still in the bullpen, with Ducky talking to me excitedly. Then Abby comes back to the bullpen, short of breath, face flushed, she is excited, she is waving something in her hand. “I got it...I got...it...", ”You got what, Abby?” I ask the crazed lady. "I got the video guys, from the security camera...the whole "puking incident" she said gaily...GREAT...everybody wants a copy of it.

Fifteen minutes later...

Robert runs out of the head in his diaper only! He manages to wiggle out of his mother’s arms as she was trying to dress him. He is all happy, feeling much better after unloading his mixtures of food; he sees me. “DADIIIII>>>” he screams at the top of his lungs, his blue eyes full of mischief and joy as he waddles to me.

I raise him into my arms and said to him "Robert...you bested the damn witch".
My wife doesn't think it is a good idea to eat out as we planned because she is still worried about Robert. So instead of dining out, we invite the guys to our home for a "take out dinner". Every take out imaginable is ordered; there are Italian food, BBQ ribs, Chinese take out and lots of junk food.

Poor Bobby looks at the food on his table longingly; unlike me...he likes to try out different types of food and colors I suppose. Sadly he says, looking at me, Ducky and Kate “yummy”, trying his luck on us, but of course, his mother said NO and the guys refused to look at his sad begging eyes...

At the end, after he finishes his horrible looking baby food and vegetable puree, he sits in my lap drinking his apple juice, miserably. Robert throws a fit when his mom tried to put him to bed...yeah right...his home is full of people, there is now way he is going to sleep...what a waste of time.

But at the end of the night, the hard headed sleepy boy is asleep in Kate's arms, snuggling to her breasts. She is sitting on the couch in the living room among friends who are still talking about the day Robert beat the "damn witch"...