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Me, Myself and CRAZY !!!

~~~ love me tender & lick me to death ~~~ confession of a desperate housewife

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Smack Daddy

Title                              : Smack Daddy

Pairing                          : KIBBS, Humor, Established relationship, one shot.
Rating                           : PG, K
Disclaimer                    : NCIS…Definitely not mine
Outtakes from "ALL I HAVE" (KIBBS series)


Bullpen, noon.

“OK! Tell me! Tell me what this is?" Tony stops a little boy in the middle of the bullpen.

The two year old ignores the man, busy with his Gummy Bears, walking across "his bullpen" with McGee holding his small hand. Moments ago, the boy told McGee that he wanted to be with Abby; So McGee was taking him to see Abby through the bullpen, when Dinozzo stops them, blocking their path.

"Tony, he is not interested in you!" a frustrated McGee says to his boss. He doesn't call Tony “Boss” even though Tony is his boss now; he still calls Gibbs “Boss”.

"McGee!!! When are you going to learn? It is all about the BAIT!" and the senior agent pulls out a bag of M&M's. Then Tony squats in front on the little boy, slowly opening the bag of M&M's right in front of the boy's face!

"Yummy" the kid says, eying the M&M's in Tony's hands. Robert is Gibbs’s and Kate’s two year old, he is visiting his daddy today, but his daddy was busy when his mom dropped him half an hour ago. So he spent his time peacefully with McGee until Tony disturbed them.

Tony couldn't help himself, the boy version of Kate with Gibbs's eyes and character is so cute, dressed in his navy blue overall, with white shirt inside, and Tony bets it is from WallMart, Gibbs's favorite clothing store. But the boy is too cute to be left in peace.

Robert tugs McGee's hand, "Bobby want yummy, please"

"Wow, Bobby, you said please” McGee is impressed, despite his sudden disastrous outburst. JUST like his dad, the boy is polite and friendly.  Kate really works hard, teaching her son Robert to say "please". Impressive, McGee thinks, because Gibbs hardly ever says please!

"You want the M&M's Robert?" McGee tries to grab the M&M's from Tony's hand, but misses. "McGee!!! Let me have fun with him first!" Tony snaps at him.

McGee just exhales, rolls his eyes, annoyed, but he doesn’t do anything about it. "OK Bobby, Tony asks you a question, Bobby answers and Tony gives you one of these little colorful yummy things, OK?" Tony explains animatedly to the kid.

"OK" Robert nods and answers him seriously, he knows he could answer any question, and he's been studying with his mommy, daddy and Ducky.

"Tell Tony, what's your name?" Tony starts.

Robert quickly says, "Bobby" and Tony pops one M&M into his mouth. The boy smiles and chews right away, very pleased.

“Thank you" he says to Tony and Tony is grinning like an idiot.

"What is my name Bobby?" Tony continues.

"Tony" the kid says with confidence.

"Bobby, you smart boy!” Tony praises him and slips another M&M into the boy's gaping mouth. Robert chews the melting chocolate and the nutty centre.

"What is his name?" Tony points to McGee. Robert looks up at the man fondly and says “Gee”. "You are so smart Bobby” McGee pats the kid's head.

“What’s the lady with lots of tattoos all over her body and she plays very loud crazy music – what is her name?” and Robert laughs, saying "Abby…tattoooo" and hops all over Tony, excited about the M&M's he is going to get, and "You are so smart…" Tony pops another one into his mouth.

"OK boy, a quick one! What's your grandpa's name, the one that talks a lot?” Bobby quickly cuts him, "Ducky" he knows the answers as he stands in front of McGee again.

"OK, OK, tell Tony! What's your daddy's name? Your daddy? What's his name?" Tony is getting excited.

"GIB" Robert says fondly…"Daddy" Robert bellows happily, he loves his daddy more than he loves chocolate and candy.

“Gib” Robert repeats as he sees Tony slip the chocolate to his own mouth. How come? Again, Tony pops another M&M into his own mouth, not Robert’s.

"Bobby wants yummy" Robert shouts at Tony, his short arm tries to grab the pack of M&M's but misses. "OH C'MON Tony" McGee is losing his patience

"OK Bobby answer one more, OK!? And Tony gives you two of these!" Tony tries his luck with the already angry boy.

Special Agent Antony Dinozzo is having the time of his life, making fun of his boss’s only son who is all chubby and cute; he doesn’t realize that the boy's father is already standing about three yards behind him, arms across his chest.

Gibbs is just out from one of his meetings, he knows his son must be in the HQ already, he heard one of his happy squeals, his hearing is still exceptional; he is about to grab the boy from the pantry (his favorite place) to take him to the nearest park, he has an hour or so to spare.

Then he comes across his bullpen and sees the scene. He stalks slowly to them, not making any noise. Bloody Dinozzo is having the time of his life at his son's expense.

And he sees everything…

"What's your mommy's name Bobby?" Tony is oblivious to his surroundings; McGee sees his boss and keeps quiet, excited at the upcoming events.

"DADIIIIII" Robert screams

“No, no, no, no your mommy's name" Tony thought the boy was confused. Oh no, Robert Jethro Gibbs is NOT confused! Tony doesn’t know that he is actually calling for his daddy, standing right behind him.

"NO!!!" Robert shouts angrily at Tony

"OH, C'mon Bobby, here…" Tony pops another M&M into Robert's mouth. "So, tell Tony your sexy mommy's name" Tony grins at the boy.

Robert quickly swallows the melted M&M and says proudly "Kat, mommy, Kat" and the boy eyes the chocolate expectantly again, waiting for his promised piece and Dinozzo tries to be funny again; instead of Robert's mouth he agent sticks it in his own mouth.

Robert is mad, "Bobby wants YUMMY" he stomps his feet in anger. "Oh you are very annoying Tony, it's not funny at all" McGee is mimicking Gibbs’s stance, with arms across his chest.

And Robert tries again, this time the tot begs, "Bobby wants yummy please" he says sadly.

Gibbs's cheek twitches, hearing his son saying please; his wife is amazing, but he is slowly losing his patience with Dinozzo, his boy is begging the clown!

He takes one step closer to the clown.

"OK, OK, one more question Bobby, tell Tony what your daddy does when he is mad?" Tony is laughing his head off, looking at the kid's angry pout. "Can you tell Tony?” and "SMACK" Robert slaps Tony, his puny palm across DiNozzo's right cheek.

"AUW, Bobby! I didn’t say show" Tony is shocked at the tiny slap he just received.
McGee laughs really loudly until he is shaking. Robert is mad, he says “Damn” and he tries to slap Tony again, but Tony sees the flying palm and moves back to avoid the boy’s second slap.

The Gibbs boy’s hand is tiny but it stings!

"Oh Bobby…" Tony exclaims and he gets cut off.

"TWACK" a hard slap to his head, not from the boy, oh no, it’s behind him, a very distinctive slap.

“Damn” Tony whispers to himself. "Your daddy is behind me? Bobby?" conforming his fear. "YES" Robert answers gleefully, raising his hands to his dad. Gibbs smiles at him and picks him up and kisses his tummy until he giggles.

"TWACK" Tony receives another head slap from Gibbs. "It was just a game boss" he says to the angry papa bear. Gibbs snatches the M&M pack roughly from DiNozzo's hand and puts it in his baby's hand.

Robert is very happy, he says “thanksss”, tries to dig the chocolate out of the bag with his index finger, then his dad helps him get the chocolate out of the bag and to his Gibbs's surprise, he slips one in his dad’s mouth before putting one into his own tiny mouth.

"Red…blue…Yummy" Robert says.

"That's right Robert" he kisses the boy's sticky cheeks and Robert grins proudly, while holding the pack tightly in his fist.

Then the kid remembers Tony...”Damn” he says to his dad while pointing at Tony and Tony flinches.

"You are angry with Tony? You want daddy to smack him, Robert?" Gibbs asks his boy.

"YESSSS" says the boy, while clapping his hands excitedly.

"TWACK" and Tony gets another slap from his boss. This time it is McGee’s turn to be grinning happily.

'More daddy more, yes, please" Robert is shaking in his dad’s arms, enjoying the entertainment at Tony’s expense.

McGee is having the time of his life, he is already eying the security camera, he is planning to record it and store it for blackmail. Dinozzo doesn't dare move from his spot, being smacked repeatedly by his boss, flinching, rubbing his head.

"More Bobby?" he asks his son who is perched on his hip.

"No daddy no" Robert says to his dad, shaking his head.

"Stop daddy, no” the boy tries to reach his dad's hand.

"No? You don’t want me to hit Tony again?" Gibbs questions his boy, looking into his deep blue eyes; he thinks his son looks sad.

Robert cups his dad's face with his hands, "Poor Tony" he whispers to his dad.

McGee the audience, Tony the victim, and Gibbs the abuser are surprised by the two year old’s reaction, his compassion, he definitely gets it from Kate.

"WOW Boss, he is Kate's son too" Dinozzo speaks up, still rubbing his head. WRONG SENTENCES!
"Are you saying that he is not my son Dinozzo?" Gibbs snaps at his agent.
"No, no, no, no boss! He is your son too, I mean, not that Kate is having...see!!! He slapped me" Dinozzo reminds his boss.

 He almost said that Kate is not having an affair; Kate tolerates his jokes but not her husband! And his boss is damn sensitive about this specific topic.

"Ding" the elevator doors open…

"Hi guys" a female hidden by pizza boxes greets them.

"MOMMY" Robert recognizes his mom; he slips from his dad and runs towards his mom. Gibbs is NOT happy; he can only see her slightly enlarging tummy, her face and upper body is covered by boxes of pizza, she is four and a half months pregnant and she disregards his request not to carry heavy things around!

He is about to stride to her. But McGee, standing closest to the elevator, quickly grabs the pizza boxes from Kate's hands.

Robert is hugging her legs, he smells the delicious aroma from the boxes. "Bobby" Kate struggles to bend down and kisses his sticky cheek.  "Bobby hungry" Robert says as he looks at the boxes on top of the desk.

Kate says, "Guys, lunch on Gibbs…..Robert! Your face is sticky! Candy?" as she tries to wipe his face, but he wriggles out and runs to the food.

Gibbs is by Kate's side now, helping her up from the floor "Thanks" she smiles at him and kisses his cheek before he scolds her.

"Open…Bobby hungry" he sort of jumps around the table.

"Wow, Kate?!?" Tony is asking for the reason as he looks at the pizza boxes hungrily, then he and Robert pries the box open and peek!

Kate is in Gibbs's arms, "We are celebrating because of my husband’s not paying alimony to ex wives number two and three anymore. Ex number three has remarried three months ago!" She explains.

She lets Gibbs get the food. Her son is hungry, sniffing and prying the box open, as is Tony! Apart from their height, there is no real difference between the two and the thirty two year old.

"Open mommy, Bobby hungry…" Robert is fidgeting by the table.

"Say please Bobby" Kate looks at her boy and opens the box.

"Pleaseeeee mommy, Bobby hungry" and Kate smiles at him. Gibbs is looking at Robert who is standing patiently by his mother's feet, his head is as tall as the desk but he's learned not to touch anything on the desk.

Just a couple of days ago, he got spanked for the first time in his life! He ruined his mommy's laptop, touched things after he was told not to.

Gibbs recalls that particular morning. He had just finished typing on Kate's laptop when he heard the phone ring.  He went to pick it up and Robert slipped out of the shower and bathroom naked. Robert must have seen the unattended laptop, perhaps the screensaver Abby just installed caught his attention and the boy pulled the cord and the laptop came down crashing on the floor.

As Gibbs heard the crashing noise, he slammed the phone down and sprinted to the kitchen, only to find a crashed laptop! Then a shocked naughty two year old got spanked by his worried angry mom.

Kate was pale and she slipped near the table, thank God she is all right. Gibbs flinched when his boy got spanked; but Robert didn't bawl, it was just tears running down his cheek. Kate only spanked him twice, after that she cried with him too! It was a sorry scene and Robert promised NOT to do it again!

The elevator's doors open again, and this time Abby, James and Roland enters with more food and drinks.

Robert claps his hands and lunges towards the guys. James falls flat on his face, fortunately McGee and Tony had taken his load and Robert received another glare from his mother and he quickly said sorry…the boy is extremely active!


Half an hour later, the bullpen is swarmed by agents, clerks, administrative staff and even the security personnel are there…in turn, of course. There are boxes of pizza, ribs, sandwiches, lasagna, chips, sodas…and a huge chocolate cake and of course, ice cream all over the main tables.

Robert is sitting with his mother, he doesn't mind his mother’s growing tummy, he's not bothered by it, and whenever he feels a movement from his mom's stomach he just looks at it for a while, and then dismisses it.

Robert wants to try everything! And he says to his mom, "Bobby's office full people".

The kid thinks the bullpen is his. After he finished his meal, he walked around gaily in his bullpen, he received lots of sweets, chocolate, mints and…cigarettes!?! And he put them in his front pockets; he refuses to come to his dad's office wearing clothes with no pocket, the schmuck is smart!

The two year old’s final destination is the giant chocolate cake on the middle table with ice cream on the side. Gibbs has just finished his conversation with Balboa when he sees his son stop by the table with the cake on top, he watches his son across the bullpen. He wonders whether the boy will pull the cake down.

Robert is eying the cake, standing right in front of it; he looks around him, right left, everybody is busy eating and chatting, no one is paying real attention to him, BUT Robert Jethro Gibbs slyly double checks his findings, he looks again…just to make sure! Not knowing that his daddy is watching him from afar.

Then Gibbs sees his raise his chubby index finger to the cake and dip it in the frosting and slip it into his mouth! Gibbs notices the boy smiling to himself and he takes the second dip, with more confidence! Robert slowly dips his two fingers in the frosting and quickly sticks them in his mouth again. He grins to himself, move his feet excitedly, turns his face…and he sees his daddy, watching him!

Robert grins at his dad, embarrassed, getting caught red handed or shall we say chocolate handed! He lunges to his dad, hugs Gibbs's leg, looking up at him guiltily, with his soft blue eyes, begging his dad not to tell on him.

Gibbs smiles and kneels to his level, "Do you want to eat the cake Robert?" he feels sorry for the kid, wanting something so bad but not being able to enjoy it openly, he would give the world to him, let alone a mere chocolate cake.

"Yes daddy, please" he says to his dad along with his sweetest smile reserved just for his mom and dad. Gibbs holds his son's hand and they walk together to the cake.
He cuts a big piece of the chocolate cake for him…and a scoop of ice cream! The whole time Robert is very excited, not only does he get a giant portion of chocolate cake, he gets an ice cream too! Life is just beautiful, thinks the two year old!

He said "Yummy" happily and soon, he starts moving his bum and singing a song that cool Abby taught him two weeks ago:

“Yummy yummy yummy I got yummy in my tummy…..Yummy yummy yummy I got yummy in my tummy" over and over again, moving his butt right and left just like Abby taught him, while rubbing his round tummy, at all time looking at his dad's hands and the chocolate cake with ice cream!

Soon, the noisy bullpen grew quiet…

One by one, people stopped talking, turning their attention to the singing and dancing boy by the Director's leg. Most of them are thinking: “How could Gibbs produce such a cute little tot?”

Gibbs is grinning to himself, listening to his antics. He asks the delirious boy, "Do you want me to feed you?"

"No, Bobby big boy, Bobby eats alone" he wants to feed himself

"OK, come here son" as his callused hand takes the boy’s soft smaller hand to his old desk.

Gibbs placed the plate of cake on the table, sits on his old chair and hoists his son up to his lap, and then Robert starts eating. He doesn't use the spoon his dad gives him, oh no…it’s too much work; he uses his fingers, all of his ten digits; within minutes his cheeks and mouth are smeared with chocolate, he doesn't care that everybody is looking at him, he is happy with his "huge piece of chocolate cake plus ice cream" he is having the time of his life.

Kate and Abby are laughing, shaking their heads at the scene:

Then Robert stops eating, he cocks his head, thinking, realizing something is missing. Then he remembers, he turns his body, looks at his dad, picks a piece of wet cake, soggy with melted ice cream and offers it to his dad, Gibbs eats from his hand and Robert goes back to his cake, finishes the yummy cake and…burp!

Gibbs is drinking his coffee, lost in thought. Looking at the schmuck on his lap; there is nothing he wouldn't do for his son…and he turns his gaze to the beautiful woman not far from him, who married him in spite of his bleak past, bore him a son, his wife, expecting their second child. Never once in his life he imagined the scene…looking at them from his old desk, where he usually sits and be grumpy!

His daydream is disturbed by a sudden movement from Robert.

Suddenly, the boy lunges at his dad, kissing Gibbs with his chocolate-y mouth and face while cupping his dad's face with his chocolate-y hands.

Oh dear! And Kate snaps pictures of the both of them.

When Robert is done thanking his dad for the delicious cake, Gibbs's face is smeared with chocolate frosting and cream, and part of his tie and shirt got it too.

The following week:

At nine in the morning, Gibbs enters his office as he is still thinking about a funny incident last night, involving Kate's belly and Robert's fear of what's in his mom's belly.

Gibbs stops in his tracks, in front of his working desk and sees a picture of him, his face is covered with chocolate with Robert in his lap, his blue eyes twinkling, and his son is looking at the camera, grinning at his mom who was taking the picture.

Gibbs smiles and touches the framed pictures lovingly, his wife’s handwriting on the lower right corner: “Smack Daddy”

He wouldn't have his life any other way.



Hope you guys enjoy the humor in the story! Let me know what you think!
Special thanks to my BETA!!!

Any suggestion? I miss Jaclyn and Joshua, I wish I can write something where Trouble and Problem meet Drool…BUT I am running out of ideas. Drop me a line if you have great ideas to bring them in one story.

AGAIN! Thanks for the review guys!!!!!


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What for a sweet story. Thanks for the greetings and wishes for my birthday last week.


No problem!!!!
Hope you have a better birthday each year!

This is damn cute..
I really enjoyed reading.


Good, I am glad you like the naughty boy!
by the way, feel free to play around in my LJ! You are very welcome!
there is a link to my fictions in ff.net, coz I am not posting story until they are completed.
By the way...I am waiting...waiting for your upcoming kibbs!

Bobby is soooo cute.. And I like Gibbs being so proud of his little family.
I will have a look at all your other stuff here.. I´m curios about all the other ffs you wrote.

I´m waiting too :) For this one special scene / moment / sentence in this story. But it won´t come up. By now it´s just boring. *forces the muse to think about it and find the special moment*

I hope you won't be bored with my kibbs! there is a series startring with Trouble and Problem, followed by marital bliss (nc17) - imagine (nc17) - Cursed & blessed - Drool - all I have - immortality,,

Bobby makes his appearance in Cursed and blessed.
the nc17 material is in ncis fan fiction archive, the link is in my LJ too.

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