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Me, Myself and CRAZY !!!

~~~ love me tender & lick me to death ~~~ confession of a desperate housewife

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ALL I HAVE 11.end. Repercussion

Chapter 11 repercussion

Oh no, Kate thinks as she hears the racket. She doesn’t wish to bother him, he is with Fornell – working; he should be in the office not with her at home. Gibbs pales considerably, he climbs two steps at a time. He swoops up his son and passes him to Fornell.

Bathroom,” that’s all she manages to say to him, and he carries her to the bathroom where she hurls.

Robert peeks quietly around the door with tears down his ruddy cheeks.  “Mommy” he murmurs. He has managed to escape from Fornell.

“Your mom is all right, Robert. Stay with Fornell," Gibbs says to the boy, but he doesn’t budge.


It was a terrible week.

Yes, Haswari was captured – he is now in the hands of the FBI, but the man is a slick piece of vermin. He manages to convince the FBI that there is another 9/11 coming – very soon and he will talk if they submit to his conditions.

Gibbs can never rest when Haswari is not dead or at least know of his impending doom. That evening, he just received the FBI Director in his office – the shouting match was terribly long and – loud.

Fornell and DiNozzo waited outside the office, this time they didn’t bicker. They are both worried about “Haswari’s fate”; on the one hand they know that the man should be dead or in jail for the rest of his remaining life. But on the other hand, what if they can stop another 9/11, they can save thousands of lives, hundreds of families don’t have to suffer and grieve.

Gibbs doesn’t believe Haswari, he doesn’t believe that Haswari is willing to help them, if ever there is another terrorist attack, the Director of NCIS believe that he would be one of the master minds behind it. So letting him free to communicate is a grave mistake.

After two hours of coercive negotiations, the FBI big boss left the NCIS HQ and Fornell nodded to DiNozzo before he follows his boss.

DiNozzo exhales deeply and enters the office, he is tired, actually he is exhausted, they’ve been sleep deprived for weeks:


“Close the door.”

“So, what’s going to happen, Boss?”

It's no good, DiNozzo, they are going to let Haswari communicate. They are pending his transfer to Gitmo.”

“They are letting him go?” DiNozzo asks in horror – after all they’ve been through, all the pain and terror, he has flashbacks of when Ari kidnapped Kate.

“Not physically – they are placing him in a minimum security prison, to let him ‘communicate’ with the cell, under surveillance of course.” Gibbs can’t believe his own words. But a deal is a deal, he made a deal with the FBI for NCIS to run the investigation and the FBI to take over the crime scene and handle the captured Haswari.

“I don’t believe this! How could they be so naïve? Believing Haswari?” DiNozzo rambles on. “What do you want us to do, Boss?”

“I’ll let you know, come to my house with O’Brien and Cassidy, just the three of you. Do you understand, DiNozzo?”

“Yes, Boss.” Tony knows Gibbs very well, his boss is going to do something – unofficially.

“DiNozzo” Gibbs calls his senior agent as he is about to exit his office.

Yes, Boss?”

“Meanwhile – let ALL of your men use the stupid bullet proof jackets, even Abby and Ducky, we are not taking chances here.”

DiNozzo just nods, gazing at his boss for quite some time, the man suddenly looks older than he actually is and he let him alone and closes the door behind him.


The Director’s lament

“It is lonely being at the top, Kate,” he murmurs to his wife. They are home, lying on their bed.

“I can imagine.” Kate strokes his white ash hair, gazing into his eyes.

“I miss field work” he admits.

“I know baby, I know.”

I'm not doing well in what I am…”

Kate interrupts him: “DON’T you dare doubt yourself!!!”

It's true, Kate – how could I let this happen? I thought things were going to be different when I took Morrow’s chair! I thought I could handle it!” Gibbs is frustrated.

“Jethro, you did what you could, you did your best.”

“My best is not good enough, Kate.”

“You made the deal, you had to! You had no choice, if you did not offer that the FBI could have Haswari, they were not going to let you run the investigation, NCIS won’t lead the investigation” Kate reminds him.

He is not listening to her. “Sometimes, I just, I just want to step down.” He pauses for a second. Kate keeps quiet, giving him the chance to let it all out.

“Before, when I had a problem, I went to Morrow. I talked to O’Brien. We could discuss things, EVEN FORNELL!!!” he is frustrated

“Now…now, I AM Morrow! I can’t discuss my problem with DiNozzo or O’Brien, let alone Fornell! Kate, my back is against the wall,” he is weary.

“Hey, you are not alone – I am here! Have you forgotten? See, the fact that I am NOT working for NCIS, makes me an eligible ‘partner’ for you to discuss matters with,” Kate tries to appease his aggravation.

AND your wife is an ex Secret Service and ex NCIS Agent!” Kate teases him.

He starts smiling, he is relaxing.

“Hey Jethro, you are not alone, you are never alone. We can talk, we can discuss things – anything, I can help you, we’ll fight through this together, OK?

OK, baby?” she snuggles closer to him.

OK,” he smiles at her; he is the luckiest man alive. As long as he has Kate and Robert by his side, he can do anything, he can handle anything – as long as they are safe with him.

Out of the blue, his doubt, his fear and disappointment disappear into thin air.

“Don’t leave me, Kate.”

“Where on earth am I going? You practically locked me in our room!” Kate pouts as she complains half heartedly, rather glad that his spirits have improved slightly.

 “I miss Robert!” she declares.

“He is fine, he is with Ducky, having the time of his life, the old man spoils him” Gibbs shakes his head. Ducky practically says ‘yes’ to anything his son wants.

“When can I spend time with him? I can’t wait”

“Soon, Kate, we’ll get Strebel and Ducky to clear you and you get to spend time with Robert again. Damn Kate, he’s grown!” he remembers that just yesterday the boy managed to open their fridge – for the first time in his life.

Gibbs caught him red handed and with a chocolatey face! And the tiny perpetrator just grinned at him as he interrogated him. The boy only said that he likes chocolate and the cold fridge.


Over the last week, Kate caught flu and she had a fever.

Ducky forbid Kate from seeing or spending time with Robert because of her cold and the fact that she needed her bed rest.

So, that noon, after the visit to Strebel, Kate is cleared! She is healthy enough and her baby is fine, she is entering her 2nd trimester. Gibbs was a nervous wreck that morning, until he could see his child on the monitor.

Apart from not carrying Robert and gaining some weight Kate is in decent condition – Strebel concludes. The old talkative OB-GYN decides to share something with the couple.

“You know, Caitlin, I met Robert the other day, when I last visited you at home. Do you know what he said and did to me?” Strebel is amused.

But Kate is NOT amused.

“What???” she is afraid that after one week without her supervision, Robert has turned into a juvenile delinquent and was rude to the man – she looks at Gibbs who looks just as surprised as her.

“He secretly called me to his room – dragged me aside,” Strebel chuckles as he recalls the incident.

“And???” Kate is afraid to hear the truth – but she is curious.

“And he told me that his mom is hurt. Well, he meant to tell me that you are sick, then he pulled out five candies from his long johns' pocket and gave them to me” Strebel continues.

Kate and Gibbs just gape at the old MD, they can already guess what their two year old was doing.

“His exact words were ‘make mommy better please’ and he offered me candies”

Their son just bribed the MD!

“I am so sorry, Doc,” Kate is afraid that the man is offended.

“Oh no, that was fun! A two year old who I helped bring into this world already understands the concept of bribery and politics – in his own innocent way, of course,” then Strebel starts laughing.

Strebel – like Ducky - loves to talk, so he continues: “So, please, give this to the boy”

Kate sees the man pull out a bag of gummy bear and pushes it onto the table in front of her.

“Oh, that’s not necessary Doc.” Kate tries to refuse the bag of candy. What is it with Robert and candy?

Gibbs clears his throat uncomfortably, he is having the time of his life. His wife simply can not refuse the pack of Gummy Bears from the MD.

“Oh I insist! Tell him it is from me,” Strebel said fondly.


Gibbs laughs all the way home. He is very pleased that his wife and unborn child are healthy and amused at his son’s antics. He can’t believe what his two year old is capable of.

But many times, Ducky lectured him that it is due to human evolution, that the next generation will always be more advanced – survival of the fittest.

Then he hears Kate exclaim:

“AHA! There he is” and both of them see their pride and joy – at the front porch, in Fornell’s arms, they must be waiting for them.

“MOMMY!!!!!!!” he screams loudly as he sees his dad’s car.

This morning he told his mommy that he missed her very very very much, and Kate told her that they are going to a doctor, and as soon as she is back, she is going to spend time with him.

“He doesn’t call for me, Kate” Gibbs pretends to be jealous.

Jethro, please, he has hardly seen me for a week!” Kate complains, “even though we live under the same roof”

Gibbs drives very slowly into his lot – afraid that the boy might charge to the car. As expected, he sees Robert slip down from Fornell’s hold, but the warned FBI bastard holds the boy’s arm until the car has stopped.

“Mommy! Bobby misses mommy!” he expresses his happiness – as he opens Kate’s side of the door.

“Bobby kiss Mommy’s tummy!” he said as he kisses Kate’s showing stomach repeatedly – he mimics his old dad.

Robert doesn’t ask to be picked up by his mom, Gibbs witnesses. He had another ‘man talk’ with him.

“Mommy plays with Bobby” her two year old requested.

“Todd” Fornell greets Kate as he approaches them.

Fony,” Kate teases him. “Did he give you a hard time, Fornell?” Kate wonders.

“NO! Not at all, he’s been good and nice – unlike his bastard dad!” Fornell replies.

Fornell!” Kate scolds him. He is not supposed to curse in front of Robert who absorbs words like a sponge.

“Sorry. I forgot!”

Then Robert notices something colorful that he loves – peeking from Kate’s purse.

“For Bobby, mommy?” he asks sweetly, looking up at his mother.

“Yes Bobby, it is from the kind Doctor who you bribed the other day.” Kate frowns at her son.

He doesn’t really understand the word ‘bribe’, so he just looks at his mom sweetly and the pack of Gummy bear expectantly – waiting for his mom to surrender the goodies.

They walk inside with Robert chattering, AFTER Kate places the candy in his hands.

“What the hell are you eating Fornell?!” Gibbs finally asks his friend.

“Oh, it’s from your son: candy,” Fornell answers innocently.

Gibbs looks at the usually grumpy agent in disbelief.

“What???” Fornell is uncomfortable with Gibbs’ look of disbelief.

“Just never thought I’ll be seeing you eat CANDY” Gibbs laughs.

“They are good! He gave me two…hey, your boy can count! And for your information, I never thought I’ll see you with a child. Wives, I’ve seen plenty of times, but not a child,” Fornell replies smugly.

“Bite your tongue! You ass! It is children, not child!” Gibbs snaps and continues: “I’ve fired my divorce attorney years ago. I can introduce him to you if you are interested?” Gibbs slyly offers.

Fornell is lost for words, he just smirks at Gibbs.

Gibbs heads towards his house, he smiles when Fornell is not looking – he can hear the cartoon show is on, the child must have made his mother watch cartoons with him.


“Gibbs!” Fornell calls him

What, Fony?” he jokes.

Fornell doesn’t answer him and when Gibbs realizes that Fornell is not following him into the house, he guesses something is wrong.

When he turns and sees Fornell’s expression, he knows something is horribly wrong – it must be Ari Haswari, his plague, his nightmare.

Suddenly Fornell sees his friend looking weary, frustrated and older.


Body count

It is late – actually it must be almost dawn.

Gibbs falls asleep in MTAC, when the night technician wakes him up, he sees the time, it is two in the morning and he decides to go home.

Nothing out of the ordinary happens as he drives home, but then as he gets closer to his house, something is different. He vaguely sees light and crowds from the street leading to his compound.

A few feet away from his house then he sees it all – lights, cars and people gathering at his front lot and almost half of his neighborhood is around his house, watching. He sees DiNozzo, Ducky, Abby, O’Brien, catches a glimpse of Balboa, Fornell and some other agents. What the hell is going on? What kind of a joke is this?

Gibbs’s heart stops beating when he sees it, when he sees the dreaded yellow crime scene tape around his house. He can not breathe – time stays still, all quiet, it is surreal to him.

Oh no God, no, please…don’t let anything happen to my family, my reason to live.

He stops his car on the street, unable to drive anymore.

Like a dream, he steps out of his car and walks towards the crowd, in front of his main doors.

All of a sudden, his men restrain him, blocking him from going into his own house – holding him back, talking some nonsense to him, but it is just a blur to him. He is not hearing anything.

The ex Gunnery Sergeant, the Director of the NCIS just focuses on the two gurneys being rolled out by his men from his house. He sees Palmer and Gerald pushing the gurneys from his house – because his dearest friend Ducky is just sitting on the front steps of his porch, shaking and crying, like a little boy – sobbing uncontrollably, with Abby on his side, hugging him.

Annoyed at being held back from his destination, Gibbs starts pushing his men. When it fails, he starts punching them, he hears and sees DiNozzo, McGee, Fornell and somebody else restraining him. 

Then Abby leaves Ducky’s side and runs to him, his techie was in a mess, black heavy mascara are streaking down her  face. Abby dashes to him and embraces him, “Gibbs, I am so sorry, Gibbs, I’m so sorry”

Gibbs doesn’t feels the sudden rain that hits the earth. He is numb, his world is shattered. He can smell the musty smells when rain hits the hot concrete.

He shoves Abby aside, struggles against DiNozzo, Fornell and McGee who are restraining him. He shouts, “KATE!!! ROBERT!!!” There is no reply.

He tries again: “KATE!!! ROBERT!!!” again and again, calling their name – hoping, just hoping that they might walk out of their house, where his son took his first step – walk out alive.

Then he would quit his job, take his wife and son far away, anywhere; to starts a new life and be damned with everything else. Be damned with his job, his responsibility, his duties – he paid his dues.

But it is not happening, he keeps calling for them desperately until his voice is gone, he can’t breathe properly. His agents are crying too, he has never seen them that broken.

“FOR GOD’S SAKE! LET HIM GO!!!” Ducky shouts – and they let him go.

Gibbs totters to the body bags on the gurneys. Palmer and Gerald quickly move back to give him some space.

He can’t bring himself to open the bag. He feels the rain coming down hard, he looks around him and sees all his guys, his friends. They are forming a circle around him, their faces are beaten, lost, standing like statues amidst the sudden heavy rain.

He opens the first body bag, his hands shaking – lifeless cloudy brown eyes greet him, they are Kate’s. Her neck is slit open, dried blood already formed around her open wound.

He sees Kate turning her slit neck, looking him in the eyes and, “Jethro, where were you? I was calling for you”

“I was at the office, Kate,” the guys hear him whisper to the dead body.

Abby covers her mouth, trying to stop her cries. She runs away from the circle. Ducky is still rooted to his front porch, swaying back and forth, crying out of grief and shock, unable to carry himself to the circle.

Gibbs hugs Kate's lifeless body, he calls for her again, perhaps she would open her eyes and talk to him again, but nothing happens, she doesn’t talk to him anymore – and his unborn child dies with her.

He lets go of his dead wife, his shirt is soaked with her blood.

Gibbs opens the other body bag with his bloody hands. He sees his son’s head with a hole in between his still open eyes. Robert’s usually lively blue eyes are cold and cloudy – lifeless.

Then he sees his toddler looking at him and speaking. “Daddy, Bobby scared, daddy go home,” the child begs.

Gibbs screams in grief, calling Robert’s name while holding the child’s bloody head, pressing it against his chest, then he empties his stomach on the ground. It is too late, there is no redemption.

There is nothing the guys can do – they just stand in the rain, tears streak down their faces, speechless, watching their Director fall to his knees, screaming for his wife and son, begging for mercy.

Within the radius of half a mile, his howls of sorrow and anguish can be heard and there is nothing anybody can do. Only regret.


A break

Daddy, daddy, Jethro.”

He hears them call for him. He feels a touch to his shoulder and he snaps out of his nightmare.

Gibbs jumps from his chair and falls to the ground - it is not asphalt - it is not hard and cold, there is no rain, he is not wet and his shirt is not soaked with blood.

“Jethro, are you all right?” He hears her voice, his Katie’s voice – vaguely.

He is breathing hard, tugging his suffocating tie violently, trying to loosen it but failing. In his frantic effort Kate tries to help him; she notices his haggard breathing, his hands are clammy, he looks like he is in pain, fighting for air.

Oh no, Kate thought, a heart attack? She fears the worst has happened.

“Bobby, get Ducky, hurry!” she orders the stunned toddler.

“OK mommy,” he quickly replies and is about to pitter pat to his Ducky. He is not allowed to use the elevator…yet, and he still can’t reach the buttons anyway, but he can use the stairs – he already formulate his way, OR, he could just screams Ducky’s name, his Ducky bounds to come to him.

But as he makes a few steps away, Gibbs manages to grab Robert’s elbow and tugs the little guy towards him. “NO” he shouts frantically, not wanting his son to leave his side.

The toddler topples down to his dad’s lap. Gibbs hugs him fiercely and sobs. With his other hand he hold Kate’s head against their head.

Kate guesses that he had nightmares about their death. Her husband has mentioned a couple of time that the one thing he is most afraid of is losing her and Robert – and the hell with everything else. He must have fallen asleep in MTAC.

Kate hugs him and calmly strokes his back. Minutes later their son starts wailing, he doesn’t understand what is going on. Why is his father crying and sad? He has never seen his hero cry and sad before – hurt, yes, but not crying.

Gibbs stops his sobbing, Kate wipes his tears away with her fingers. The man is practically drenched in his sweat and tears.

“It’s just a stupid dream, Jethro,” she murmurs to him.

“Kate! I can not lose you and Robert! I can not.” He admits his fear. His nightmare is still fresh in his mind, he can still smell their blood, he can still feel the wrecked pain in his heart.

“You won’t! I promised!” Kate smiles and looks at him softly.

Gibbs nods, wanting to believe her vague promise.

Kate turns her attention to the wailing boy in his long john and jacket. “Bobby, stop crying,” she tries to take him from his father.

“No, it's OK, Kate,” he refused to have him taken away from him, his presence gives him comfort and warmth that can not be replaced.

He calms his son down by coaxing him, telling him that everything is OK, that nobody is sick or sad anymore, promising him his favorite food at the vending machine and that he’ll let him ‘touch’ his real gun.

“Daddy, go home?” Robert sadly asks his dad.

OK, Robert! You come to pick me up, son?” he distracts the boy.

Yes,” he nods seriously.

Then, Robert and Kate hears a stomach’s growl: it’s Gibbs’s stomach, growling for food, he hasn’t has his dinner yet. He sees the time, it is almost midnight.

Robert cups his dad’s face with both hands. “Poor daddy, daddy hungry. Bobby hungry too,” as he lets go of one of his hands and rubs his fat tummy, signaling that he is hungry – and they all laugh.

The sadness is broken. On their way out from the HQ, his boy tugs his hand and asks for his promised candy…and he got it; for once Kate doesn’t stop Gibbs from buying candy for the sly kid.

Gibbs loves listening to his nonsensical chatter. Robert explains to the night shift security guard that, "Bobby is taking Daddy home.” Gibbs loves hearing his cute voice and is proud of being his father, because in his dream, he had lost him.

The three of them go home right away. Gibbs wanted to stop at 7/11, a convenience store for food but Kate said NO! Junk food is not an option.

Robert is confused. “Daddy hungry, mommy!” he reminds his mother, quite upset with his mother for refusing his dad food.

“For God’s sake, I know, Robert. No, I am not starving your dad, don’t worry.” Kate rolls her eyes in slight annoyance.

When the trio reached home, Kate orders her son to stay with her, to ‘help’ in the kitchen, to give her husband time to shower and rest without the boy waiting for him. Believe it or not, Robert will sometimes ‘chat’ with his dad while his dad is actually in the shower.

Half an hour later he returns from his wash – squeaky clean, with his gun in his hand. He locks all the windows and doors. Kate notices the metallic ‘item’ in his hand as he makes his way around their house, but chooses to ignore its presence.

When he enters his kitchen, it is warm and full of activities.

“Roast is in the grill. Your coffee” Kate greets him.

“Chicken, daddy.” his kid adds, informing his dad of the menu. Robert is placing bread rolls on the plates – Kate made him wear this apron that go all the way to his ankles.

It is past one in the morning. Kate breaks one of her own rules: for their kid to be in bed by nine and asleep by ten.

Gibbs is sipping his hot coffee when sees his boy. “Bobby hungry, mommy,” the boy stands in front of the stove impatiently, looking at the chicken roasting away with potatoes and carrots.

“What are you wearing, Robert?” His dad pinches his button nose.

The boy in his long johns and apron answers him. “Bobby help mommy cook. Bobby wear THIS!” he answers smartly.

“All he did is to place the bread on the plates and bother me.” Kate murmurs to him.

Half an hour later, they tuck in.

Robert is very happily seated between his parents. He is quite a chatter box that night. He makes his dad eat vegetables, advising Gibbs that vegetables are healthy.

“You need to take a break from Ducky, Robert.” Gibbs is chewing his portion of peas and carrots – unhappily.

“Carrot for eyes, daddy,” the talkative two year old explains to his grumpy dad.

Kate laughs, she can’t manage to make her husband eat vegetables or say please too often – but surely her son is successful.

And they hear their two year old praise his father. “Daddy, good boy” nodding his tiny head in satisfaction, mimicking Ducky – as Gibbs finishes his vegetables.

Kate's laughter is stopped by the door bell.

“Bobby open,” he is about to slip down from his chair, when his dad stops him.

“NO” Gibbs said sternly, rising from his chair with his gun in his hand to open the door, call him paranoid or crazy, he doesn’t give a damn.

Kate keeps quiet. By now she is used to all of his antics.

Robert gapes at his dad, answering the door with his gun. His dad is going to shoot their guests?

“Who daddy shot, mommy?” he looks at his mother questioningly.

Before Kate manages to answer him with a lie, they hear Fornell’s voice by the door.

Daddy shot Fony?” Robert asks in terror – he likes Fony, the man is not too bad. Not as great as Ducky, but definitely OK. And Fornell has given him lots of candies which he stashed in his private ‘collection’ box.

Maybe” Kate doesn’t know what to say, Gibbs is very angry with the FBI.

At the door:

“You are not welcome Fornell,” Gibbs says point blank.

“I am not discussing anything right now, I am having dinner with my family, actually breakfast, you should go!” He concludes, about to close the door on Fornell.

They hear Kate’s voice from the kitchen. “Fornell, have you eaten?”

“Not yet, Todd,” Fornell replies.

“FONY! DADDY SHOT FONY!” Robert squeals from the kitchen, warning his friend to run away.

“Come in and join us.” Kate invites him in.

Fornell lets himself in. “Todd invited me” he says to Gibbs as he slips inside.

Fornell enters the homely environment and arrives in the kitchen. “WOW” he exclaims as he sees the feast. For a divorced man – that is a feast.

“Robert, are you are still awake?” Fornell pats his head, because he hardly ever sees the boy past ten at night.

“Yes! Bobby awake,” Robert answers the obvious question.

“Fony, eat?” the boy greets him politely.

The four of them eat merrily, enveloped in their own world, away from their gruesome work and tragedy.

Fornell makes pancakes for dessert. He tells Kate that she doesn’t have to lift a finger as he is there to help with the dishes. Robert chooses to sit on Gibbs’s lap – he is being spoon fed pancakes with ice cream and maple syrup by his dad, once in a while flashing his happy famous grin.

Fornell witnesses him requesting that a few spoonfuls of coffee from his dad's cup be added to his cold milk - truly Gibbs’s son and unquestionably, very attached to the bastard.

The second Robert yawns and rests his sleepy head on Gibbs’s chest, Fornell thanks them for the awesome meal and leaves the house. Haswari have to wait, the Gibbs has paid their dues.

Kate has been wondering about her husband’s bete noire but couldn’t ask him because Robert is ‘stuck’ to his dad. When she enters their room, she sees the father and son already asleep.

Robert is perched on Gibbs’s chest and the boy is not light anymore. Gibbs placed his both hands on the boy’s body, protectively – holding him close. They look peaceful, not a care in the world.

Kate decides that she can wait to hear about his dream when he is ready to tell her. She covers her boys with blanket and joins them in their dreamless slumber.


-End-nova2007-BETA (MV) THANKS TO MY BETA!